It's Time!

Wow!  A year later...  But it's time... This last weekend was a breaking point for me.  My dad (who has Hep C and refuses to stop drinking so he can cure it) has really started to get on our nerves. I don't know if it's the brain poisoning part of the illness or he is just being his normal, narcissistic / self-center / all-about-me self but this weekend I had enough.  It was my mom's birthday but of course he made it all about him.  He goes through a gallon of vodka now every 2-3 days. I know it is horrible for me to say this but he is so miserable to be around that we are all just counting down whatever time he has left.  My mom is so alone...  She deserves some one who will live life with her and for at least 10 years now he has made her do everything in that relationship.  She makes more money, takes care of the mowing and yard work, all the cooking, cleaning, paying the bills and budgeting...  I love my dad but I don't like him anymore.  We have all tried so hard to help him "show up" in life. All he cares about is when he can start drinking. I am just so tired of it... My heart is breaking... I mean shouldn't your dad love you enough to want to live for you?  Or at least shouldn't he love his grand kids enough?  It's basically like he is committing a long slow suicide. They caught it early enough that it could have been cured...  I don't know if he is liking the attention he gets from being able to say "I am dying" or what. I wish I had the money to go talk to a therapist.  I know I need one... And very probably some anti-depressants.

I know this post is pretty scatter-brained... but the reason for this blog is first and foremost a venting arena.